I no longer use the "sportmurphy.com" email listed elsewhere online. try myspace/facebook if you have something to say or ask.
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Saturday, July 30, 2005
I'm finding TV more and more offensive...
9 PM EST, LOCAL LISTINGS
CBS - PIMP MY QUEER
Attractive young male homosexuals are “made over” into female prostitutes, then compete for the mercurial affections of hosts Ice T and George Hamilton.
NBC - TRADING ROCK STARS
Former members of once-popular bands are shuffled around and forced to play unfamiliar songs for the amusement of an audience of attractive young people.
ABC - DANCING WITH THE SURREAL
Jocelyn Wildenstein and Mickey Rourke teach injured animals to tango.
FOX - THIS OLD BABY
Infants are “made over” from gurgling, squirming baldies into elegant inanimate objects and auctioned off to decadent billionaires.
MTV - CROCODIL’D
Attractive young celebrities sic carnivorous reptiles on their famous friends. Hosted by lovable Aussie Nick Cave.
WB - ANIMAL APPRENTICE
Attractive young people compete to become the favored house pet of decadent billionaires.
UPN - AMERICA’S FUNNIEST FIRINGS
Ambitious losers are caught on hidden cameras being humiliated by their celebrity employers for arbitrary “offenses.”
CRTV - COPZILLAS
Police officers on the brink of complete personal meltdown are driven over the edge through traumatic pranks; the last one to attempt suicide gets to marry an attractive young homosexual billionaire.
GSN - FAT FACTOR
Attractive young people are goaded to eat themselves to obesity and are then humiliated by celebrities and their pets.
PBS - THE PEOPLE’S ROADSHOW
Attractive young people parade their unattractive old relatives before celebrity judges for on-the-spot estimates of personal worth.
A/E - DOCTOR BRAT
Attractive child billionaires practice rudimentary surgery on desperate losers competing for a 1,000 dollar cash prize.
IO - BLIND FAMILY
Night vision cameras capture the frustration of “campy” minor celebrities forced to live together for 5 months in absolute, round-the-clock darkness.
U - FORENSIC MAKEOVER
Messy crime scenes are redesigned by attractive young homosexual men.
(sometimes) Y - SISTER DOG
A charming nun eloquently analyzes the tattoos of celebrity pets.
EEK - THE PLANET’S MOST OUTRAGEOUS VAGINAS
Hidden camera cuntery.
VH1 - MAKING THE CHOPPER
Sean “P ‘Puff (Puffy) Daddy’ Diddy" Combs oversees the construction of a custom motorcycle by attractive homosexual celebrity children.
MTV2 – MONSTER FILES
Islamic fundamentalists perform random acts of unspeakable horror; host Noam Chomsky explains why.
FNC - UNSOLVED LISTS
Sean “Puff” Hannity and Alan “Diddy” Colmes argue over the validity of lists of “100 Celebrity OOPS Moments” before a jury of attractive young pets. Features humorous “break-in” commentary by stand-up comics.
VH2 -VIVA LA BOUNTY!
Duane “Dog” Chapman and Bam Margera host as attractive young compete to see which paper towel is indeed the “quicker picker upper.”
BRV - SURVIVOR’S STUDIO
Show biz legends are forced to eat disgusting things.
WTF - PSYCHIC NANNY
Matronly British women explain to anxious billionaire couples exactly how and when their children will die.
BET - OLD SCHOOL HOUSE
Young Hiphop artists perform “home invasions” on white homes of different historical eras. Hosted by Al Pacino.
CNN – MEET THE CHEF
Comical Asian culinary experts (redubbed by Adam Carolla and Gilbert Gottfried) must somehow concoct savory dishes from parts of Ann Coulter’s body.
9 PM EST, LOCAL LISTINGS
CBS - PIMP MY QUEER
Attractive young male homosexuals are “made over” into female prostitutes, then compete for the mercurial affections of hosts Ice T and George Hamilton.
NBC - TRADING ROCK STARS
Former members of once-popular bands are shuffled around and forced to play unfamiliar songs for the amusement of an audience of attractive young people.
ABC - DANCING WITH THE SURREAL
Jocelyn Wildenstein and Mickey Rourke teach injured animals to tango.
FOX - THIS OLD BABY
Infants are “made over” from gurgling, squirming baldies into elegant inanimate objects and auctioned off to decadent billionaires.
MTV - CROCODIL’D
Attractive young celebrities sic carnivorous reptiles on their famous friends. Hosted by lovable Aussie Nick Cave.
WB - ANIMAL APPRENTICE
Attractive young people compete to become the favored house pet of decadent billionaires.
UPN - AMERICA’S FUNNIEST FIRINGS
Ambitious losers are caught on hidden cameras being humiliated by their celebrity employers for arbitrary “offenses.”
CRTV - COPZILLAS
Police officers on the brink of complete personal meltdown are driven over the edge through traumatic pranks; the last one to attempt suicide gets to marry an attractive young homosexual billionaire.
GSN - FAT FACTOR
Attractive young people are goaded to eat themselves to obesity and are then humiliated by celebrities and their pets.
PBS - THE PEOPLE’S ROADSHOW
Attractive young people parade their unattractive old relatives before celebrity judges for on-the-spot estimates of personal worth.
A/E - DOCTOR BRAT
Attractive child billionaires practice rudimentary surgery on desperate losers competing for a 1,000 dollar cash prize.
IO - BLIND FAMILY
Night vision cameras capture the frustration of “campy” minor celebrities forced to live together for 5 months in absolute, round-the-clock darkness.
U - FORENSIC MAKEOVER
Messy crime scenes are redesigned by attractive young homosexual men.
(sometimes) Y - SISTER DOG
A charming nun eloquently analyzes the tattoos of celebrity pets.
EEK - THE PLANET’S MOST OUTRAGEOUS VAGINAS
Hidden camera cuntery.
VH1 - MAKING THE CHOPPER
Sean “P ‘Puff (Puffy) Daddy’ Diddy" Combs oversees the construction of a custom motorcycle by attractive homosexual celebrity children.
MTV2 – MONSTER FILES
Islamic fundamentalists perform random acts of unspeakable horror; host Noam Chomsky explains why.
FNC - UNSOLVED LISTS
Sean “Puff” Hannity and Alan “Diddy” Colmes argue over the validity of lists of “100 Celebrity OOPS Moments” before a jury of attractive young pets. Features humorous “break-in” commentary by stand-up comics.
VH2 -VIVA LA BOUNTY!
Duane “Dog” Chapman and Bam Margera host as attractive young compete to see which paper towel is indeed the “quicker picker upper.”
BRV - SURVIVOR’S STUDIO
Show biz legends are forced to eat disgusting things.
WTF - PSYCHIC NANNY
Matronly British women explain to anxious billionaire couples exactly how and when their children will die.
BET - OLD SCHOOL HOUSE
Young Hiphop artists perform “home invasions” on white homes of different historical eras. Hosted by Al Pacino.
CNN – MEET THE CHEF
Comical Asian culinary experts (redubbed by Adam Carolla and Gilbert Gottfried) must somehow concoct savory dishes from parts of Ann Coulter’s body.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
``Why, it's old Fezziwig! Bless his heart; it's Fezziwig alive again!''
There's this Chrysler campaign... I've seen 2 different ads so far... where a older gentleman sits, face conspicuously obscured by a newspaper. In one, Jason Alexander (as George Costanza) comes into his office, doing the usual bluff-n-bullshit routine he did so memorably on "Seinfeld." In the other, a little girl talks to the old guy, and in both ads the big moment comes when the newspaper is put down to reveal that the old guy is... Lee Iacocca! Whoo-eee! What fun! What MAGIC! Before we see the face, we know there's someone special there... but who? Why it's blesed ol' Lee, that's who! Returning like an old friend! Dear Old Iacocca! Keeping the Chrys in Chrysler!
B.B.D. and O. really hit the jackpot here; these ads for the "Employee Pricing Plus" sales incentive tap into that special sense of childlike wonder we associate only with Iacocca. Why, when that little girl is talking to the mysterious man, and he is suddenly revealed as Mr. Lee Iacocca, all one can think is: “yes, Virginia, there is a former CEO.” I get chills just thinking about it, and now I am going to buy a Chrysler just because of the nostalgic rush these ads provide. I don't drive, of course, but every time I look out to the driveway and see that gleaming car, I will relive the gleeful moment when Lee Iacocca first revealed his face. Sigh.
In other TV news, I was watching the TV news. After all the reports on muslim-related miseries worldwide, the anchor introduced a piece on a Westchester region protected from development, due to its importance as a source of drinking water for the NY metro area. When they went to the report, the audio went farkuckt, so all my TV presented was a series of lovely shots of this verdant lakeside, with no audio whatsoever. The anchor apologized and quickly moved on to something else. “No…” I thought “…go with it! It’s the most useful thing you’ve shown me so far!”
What a relief! I'm thinking there ought to be a channel where we are shown nothing but nature. Someplace to turn when the electrosluice torrent becomes too depressingly human-beshitted. A window to the idyllic, with nary a mosquito, nor any other of actual nature’s multitudinous annoyances. We may gaze thereupon, belching our sodee pop, tongue-ing a Slim Jim skin lodged between the teeth, groaning: “mmm, tha’s nize” as our damned world wobbles its idiotic course through the cold cosmos.
Before I leave the TV (rather, return to it), mention must be made of a program I just caught on PBS. WILLIE “THE LION” SMITH. A documentary on a giant of American music. Friends, this guy was the SHIT. I was frustrated that every time they showed a clip of the man playing his piano, some narrator would intrude, but that’s how it goes. At least someone finally saw fit to spread the word about a giant who still gets nothing close to his just due. Idolized by the likes of Ellington and my beloved Thelonious Monk… whew, Willie! That’s like being idolized by Vermeer and Van Gogh. I recall when I first lucked upon a film clip of the Lion playing his sublime “Echoes of Spring.” It was one of those unforgettable musical moments of discovery where you just stop the fuck cold and GAPE. Like Howard Carter first peering into Tut’s tomb:
“I was struck dumb with amazement, and when Lord Carnarvon, unable to stand the suspense any longer, inquired anxiously, 'Can you see anything?' it was all I could do to get out the words, 'Yes, wonderful things.'”
There have been many moments like this: my first listen to a SMILE bootleg in 1985… watching some baritone (Sherrill Milnes?) sing Ives’ “The Things Our Fathers Loved” in the mid-70s… Allen Toussaint playing at Professor Longhair’s funeral, seen in yet another PBS documentary in the ‘80s (an experience so moving that I tracked down the filmmaker, Stevenson J. Palfi, and persuaded him to dupe me a copy of his film). “Echoes of Spring” is a light piano solo in the Beiderbecke vein that somehow melds Stride, Debussy, Cowboy Americana, and that ineffable vout one only recognizes in the work of a real inventor. Played with a feathery touch by an old cat in a bowler hat with a stogie clamped in his teeth, swinging like all get-out even while imparting a diaphanous Maxfield Parrish glow as fine as the most subtle nancyboy etude, the thing slew me. William Demarest opening his mouth and ad-libbing John Donne: how? Wha?
I used the motif from Willie’s left hand as the basis of a recurring theme throughout my album Magic Beans, only to suggest the depths and heights of music… how it defeats cruel time, binds distant and disparate hearts and reveals infinity. With humor, yet. Much of Smith’s work of that period carries the same incredible spirit. Not all of it is that Beleek-delicate; many pieces are rollicking and as ripe as Willie’s stogie, but no less glorious for that. You’ll hear Scott Joplin in it. Gottschalk. Leroy Shields. Phineas Newborn. Chopin. Satie. God, in other words. There’s a great cd comp (assembled by Frenchmen, unsurprisingly) collecting the cream of this work. Find that thing and listen. I fear that anyone catching this docu will leave it with no idea of the Lion’s brilliance: “hmmmm… One of those influential musical Negroes; note the name for the file of unheard notables, to mention if needed.” Bah! Find the thing and LISTEN.
There's this Chrysler campaign... I've seen 2 different ads so far... where a older gentleman sits, face conspicuously obscured by a newspaper. In one, Jason Alexander (as George Costanza) comes into his office, doing the usual bluff-n-bullshit routine he did so memorably on "Seinfeld." In the other, a little girl talks to the old guy, and in both ads the big moment comes when the newspaper is put down to reveal that the old guy is... Lee Iacocca! Whoo-eee! What fun! What MAGIC! Before we see the face, we know there's someone special there... but who? Why it's blesed ol' Lee, that's who! Returning like an old friend! Dear Old Iacocca! Keeping the Chrys in Chrysler!
B.B.D. and O. really hit the jackpot here; these ads for the "Employee Pricing Plus" sales incentive tap into that special sense of childlike wonder we associate only with Iacocca. Why, when that little girl is talking to the mysterious man, and he is suddenly revealed as Mr. Lee Iacocca, all one can think is: “yes, Virginia, there is a former CEO.” I get chills just thinking about it, and now I am going to buy a Chrysler just because of the nostalgic rush these ads provide. I don't drive, of course, but every time I look out to the driveway and see that gleaming car, I will relive the gleeful moment when Lee Iacocca first revealed his face. Sigh.
In other TV news, I was watching the TV news. After all the reports on muslim-related miseries worldwide, the anchor introduced a piece on a Westchester region protected from development, due to its importance as a source of drinking water for the NY metro area. When they went to the report, the audio went farkuckt, so all my TV presented was a series of lovely shots of this verdant lakeside, with no audio whatsoever. The anchor apologized and quickly moved on to something else. “No…” I thought “…go with it! It’s the most useful thing you’ve shown me so far!”
What a relief! I'm thinking there ought to be a channel where we are shown nothing but nature. Someplace to turn when the electrosluice torrent becomes too depressingly human-beshitted. A window to the idyllic, with nary a mosquito, nor any other of actual nature’s multitudinous annoyances. We may gaze thereupon, belching our sodee pop, tongue-ing a Slim Jim skin lodged between the teeth, groaning: “mmm, tha’s nize” as our damned world wobbles its idiotic course through the cold cosmos.
Before I leave the TV (rather, return to it), mention must be made of a program I just caught on PBS. WILLIE “THE LION” SMITH. A documentary on a giant of American music. Friends, this guy was the SHIT. I was frustrated that every time they showed a clip of the man playing his piano, some narrator would intrude, but that’s how it goes. At least someone finally saw fit to spread the word about a giant who still gets nothing close to his just due. Idolized by the likes of Ellington and my beloved Thelonious Monk… whew, Willie! That’s like being idolized by Vermeer and Van Gogh. I recall when I first lucked upon a film clip of the Lion playing his sublime “Echoes of Spring.” It was one of those unforgettable musical moments of discovery where you just stop the fuck cold and GAPE. Like Howard Carter first peering into Tut’s tomb:
“I was struck dumb with amazement, and when Lord Carnarvon, unable to stand the suspense any longer, inquired anxiously, 'Can you see anything?' it was all I could do to get out the words, 'Yes, wonderful things.'”
There have been many moments like this: my first listen to a SMILE bootleg in 1985… watching some baritone (Sherrill Milnes?) sing Ives’ “The Things Our Fathers Loved” in the mid-70s… Allen Toussaint playing at Professor Longhair’s funeral, seen in yet another PBS documentary in the ‘80s (an experience so moving that I tracked down the filmmaker, Stevenson J. Palfi, and persuaded him to dupe me a copy of his film). “Echoes of Spring” is a light piano solo in the Beiderbecke vein that somehow melds Stride, Debussy, Cowboy Americana, and that ineffable vout one only recognizes in the work of a real inventor. Played with a feathery touch by an old cat in a bowler hat with a stogie clamped in his teeth, swinging like all get-out even while imparting a diaphanous Maxfield Parrish glow as fine as the most subtle nancyboy etude, the thing slew me. William Demarest opening his mouth and ad-libbing John Donne: how? Wha?
I used the motif from Willie’s left hand as the basis of a recurring theme throughout my album Magic Beans, only to suggest the depths and heights of music… how it defeats cruel time, binds distant and disparate hearts and reveals infinity. With humor, yet. Much of Smith’s work of that period carries the same incredible spirit. Not all of it is that Beleek-delicate; many pieces are rollicking and as ripe as Willie’s stogie, but no less glorious for that. You’ll hear Scott Joplin in it. Gottschalk. Leroy Shields. Phineas Newborn. Chopin. Satie. God, in other words. There’s a great cd comp (assembled by Frenchmen, unsurprisingly) collecting the cream of this work. Find that thing and listen. I fear that anyone catching this docu will leave it with no idea of the Lion’s brilliance: “hmmmm… One of those influential musical Negroes; note the name for the file of unheard notables, to mention if needed.” Bah! Find the thing and LISTEN.