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Monday, September 01, 2003
Ah. A new record! Jerry triumphant.
I assumed anyone reading this would know of my yearly tradition, but maybe not.
Ever since I was 16 I've watched the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon in its entirety.
I'm a little tired about now. It was a pretty good 'thon, though. Naw, better than that really. A damn good 'thon.
I assumed anyone reading this would know of my yearly tradition, but maybe not.
Ever since I was 16 I've watched the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon in its entirety.
I'm a little tired about now. It was a pretty good 'thon, though. Naw, better than that really. A damn good 'thon.
Some punk vocalist just finished a self-penned, telethon-specific song of such lyrical turgidity that Rodd Keith would have thrown up his hands in frustration: "This CANNOT be set to music!" Tears of hilarity still stain my cheek and I am renewed.
Red Buttons: fantastic! Doing an adaptation of his old Dean Martin Roast schtick: "Ben Hur - who said to his sister, Ben Him: 'wanna switch?' - NEVER did a telethon!"
Jack Jones with "Wives and Lovers" ...in GREAT voice and a loose, fun mood. Offered his alternate lyric: "Hey little boy, cap your teeth, get a hairpiece!" Yeah!
Gary Lewis does "She's Just My Style" AGAIN - not that I'm kvetching.
Charo with her arrangement of Ravel's BOLERO. She claimed to have "introduced" the Macarena. A fine moment in the "If so, SO?" stakes.
Gospel legend Shirley Caesar featured in a mini-set with other artists in that genre. Such a reminder: melisma with restraint, conveying actual passion, not vocal "chops." Jazzy chords providing genuine color and depth, not slick fuzak gaudiness. Funky rhythms propelling MUSIC as opposed to softcore sex-dance accompaniment. Lyrics about HOPE, not aggression nor treacle nor teenybopper lust. Bona fide passion about something truly FELT, not some interchangable style as suited to aspirin or car commercials as anything else. Dynamics serving to elevate the spirit, not pummel it into a stupor or pump it with fake adrenaline.
Now comes the home stretch.
Red Buttons: fantastic! Doing an adaptation of his old Dean Martin Roast schtick: "Ben Hur - who said to his sister, Ben Him: 'wanna switch?' - NEVER did a telethon!"
Jack Jones with "Wives and Lovers" ...in GREAT voice and a loose, fun mood. Offered his alternate lyric: "Hey little boy, cap your teeth, get a hairpiece!" Yeah!
Gary Lewis does "She's Just My Style" AGAIN - not that I'm kvetching.
Charo with her arrangement of Ravel's BOLERO. She claimed to have "introduced" the Macarena. A fine moment in the "If so, SO?" stakes.
Gospel legend Shirley Caesar featured in a mini-set with other artists in that genre. Such a reminder: melisma with restraint, conveying actual passion, not vocal "chops." Jazzy chords providing genuine color and depth, not slick fuzak gaudiness. Funky rhythms propelling MUSIC as opposed to softcore sex-dance accompaniment. Lyrics about HOPE, not aggression nor treacle nor teenybopper lust. Bona fide passion about something truly FELT, not some interchangable style as suited to aspirin or car commercials as anything else. Dynamics serving to elevate the spirit, not pummel it into a stupor or pump it with fake adrenaline.
Now comes the home stretch.
Bleary...
a night of Bob Zany and the guy from "Weakest Link" filling in for Jerry. Nancy Sinatra doing a ROTTEN tune written by those douchebags from U2... a tune in "tribute" to Frank entitled "Two shots of happy, one shot of sad." Oy.
Some Russian "bluegrass" band doing a tune similar to "Blow the Man Down" ...various rock acts... an INCREDIBLE performance by some country putz doing a tune called "I Love You This Much," in which the famous 70s "silli-sculpt" statuette (of a little guy with outstretched arms) is revealed to be JESUS CHRIST! YES!!!!! This cornpone crackpot has written the anthem of the kitsch krucifix!
How can you people SLEEP through this?????
Wondering if Joe Williams is tuning in on KSDK... Claudia and Brad in LA on KCAL? Rich too? ...WBDC is on the LOVE NETWORK too; are you tuned in down in MD, Jennica? Maybe Doren will peek in on WCVB and spare a thought for ol' Sport... all my far-flung friends...
This morning's array of 'thon children's entertainment is ominous: three people in wacky costumes with huge hearts for heads, simpering enough to make Barney seem like MR T... A troupe of gay Aussie aerobics instructors called "The Wiggles" ...a large singing bear, too cloying for the Disney Jamboree. Christ. I'll make Miles and Lily watch "Forensic Files" before I permit this drek to warp their sensibilities (yeah, sure).
Jerry comes back soon.
I had an especially disappointing piece of carrot cake.
a night of Bob Zany and the guy from "Weakest Link" filling in for Jerry. Nancy Sinatra doing a ROTTEN tune written by those douchebags from U2... a tune in "tribute" to Frank entitled "Two shots of happy, one shot of sad." Oy.
Some Russian "bluegrass" band doing a tune similar to "Blow the Man Down" ...various rock acts... an INCREDIBLE performance by some country putz doing a tune called "I Love You This Much," in which the famous 70s "silli-sculpt" statuette (of a little guy with outstretched arms) is revealed to be JESUS CHRIST! YES!!!!! This cornpone crackpot has written the anthem of the kitsch krucifix!
How can you people SLEEP through this?????
Wondering if Joe Williams is tuning in on KSDK... Claudia and Brad in LA on KCAL? Rich too? ...WBDC is on the LOVE NETWORK too; are you tuned in down in MD, Jennica? Maybe Doren will peek in on WCVB and spare a thought for ol' Sport... all my far-flung friends...
This morning's array of 'thon children's entertainment is ominous: three people in wacky costumes with huge hearts for heads, simpering enough to make Barney seem like MR T... A troupe of gay Aussie aerobics instructors called "The Wiggles" ...a large singing bear, too cloying for the Disney Jamboree. Christ. I'll make Miles and Lily watch "Forensic Files" before I permit this drek to warp their sensibilities (yeah, sure).
Jerry comes back soon.
I had an especially disappointing piece of carrot cake.
I return after a long absence; critters scatter as I enter. No other welcome, but who expected one? Life's been rough. But tonight, the annual ceremony.
Briefly:
Over 4 hours in... Jerry's prednisone-bloat is less shocking by now. Overall it seems more old-style: fewer Branson and rock acts, more real show-biz. Amen to that!
Julie La Rosa sounding a little shot, Steve Lawrence surprisingly strong. Charlie Callas does his auld Chevalier/Gingold mime bit, Rickles inspires acute discomfort, as ever. I'm digging it.
Reading COMIC BOOK ART during dull patches, a few poems, sipping Pernod.
The prime moment: Tony Orlando (who created the term "gimme a Rosengarten!" before my very eyes, back during the Carter or Ford administration) doing a fucking BONKERS medley of "Fire and Rain" and "Purple Rain" and ad libbing: "It don't matter what color the rain is! Take away the rain, take away the pain!" ...over and over. Changing James Taylor's lyric from "I always thought that I'd see you again" to "I always knew you were gonna be there for me again, babe!" And me not rolling tape! Shit.
Patti Page with the dullest tune I've heard in years.
Norm Crosby swell, as always.
Gotta freshen my drink.
Briefly:
Over 4 hours in... Jerry's prednisone-bloat is less shocking by now. Overall it seems more old-style: fewer Branson and rock acts, more real show-biz. Amen to that!
Julie La Rosa sounding a little shot, Steve Lawrence surprisingly strong. Charlie Callas does his auld Chevalier/Gingold mime bit, Rickles inspires acute discomfort, as ever. I'm digging it.
Reading COMIC BOOK ART during dull patches, a few poems, sipping Pernod.
The prime moment: Tony Orlando (who created the term "gimme a Rosengarten!" before my very eyes, back during the Carter or Ford administration) doing a fucking BONKERS medley of "Fire and Rain" and "Purple Rain" and ad libbing: "It don't matter what color the rain is! Take away the rain, take away the pain!" ...over and over. Changing James Taylor's lyric from "I always thought that I'd see you again" to "I always knew you were gonna be there for me again, babe!" And me not rolling tape! Shit.
Patti Page with the dullest tune I've heard in years.
Norm Crosby swell, as always.
Gotta freshen my drink.