Posted 4:15 PM by sport

A request.

I was once someone who prayed. Anyone who really heard my albums knows that Willoughby and Magic Beans were imbued with faith and the struggle to sustain and increase it. Uncle alluded to the loss of it after September 11.
I also lost the sobriety that made the first two albums possible. Uncle is steeped in the stench of booze and the tears it only increases.

Throughout this blog, the subject of drink has been a constant theme. Its effect has been a constant factor in the tone and subject of entries. It has been the subtext of much of the diminishing returns so obvious here. I’m an alcoholic. Drinking anything – especially the severe and toxic stuff I’ve preferred – is catastrophic to everything I value.

In the course of the renewal I mentioned last time, it would have been wise to begin with putting the cork in the bottle and proceeding from there, but I held on like a true addict and pretended it was actually helpful to me. It has poisoned all the good in my life. I don’t want to talk about what I mean by this; it is personal and mine to contend with.

I am now using the tools I used the first time I got sober (and stayed that way for 8 years) to begin a genuine pursuit of renewal. Whether I can find the faith – which was vital in that process and all the achievements it permitted – is unclear, so I ask those of you who’ve cared about me and/or my work to remember me and my family in your prayers. I don’t know how any of you pray or to what, but that is unimportant. I desperately need some of that energy to flow this way.

I insist that optimism is wise and valid in spite of every agony and loss perpetrated by us and upon us. All the whining here was a misguided plea for some mystic force to descend and show me the way again. I know that the only way is to fight for faith and optimism, to struggle for mental and physical health and to work for the positive, creative and loving things that sustain us in this very difficult world.

I’ve been drowning. I want to breathe again and renew the determination to bring music, laughter, inspiration and honesty to the people in my life, whether they be family, friends or strangers. I ask no favors or efforts other than your thoughts, or wishes, or prayers if that’s what you call them. The force of love. And I will try to pray for all of us as well, so that the real beauty of life, which shines from all of our unique, combined spirits, isn’t clouded by the spew of one more selfish, dying soul.

Thank you and love to you all.