Posted 5:14 PM by sport

Some punk vocalist just finished a self-penned, telethon-specific song of such lyrical turgidity that Rodd Keith would have thrown up his hands in frustration: "This CANNOT be set to music!" Tears of hilarity still stain my cheek and I am renewed.

Red Buttons: fantastic! Doing an adaptation of his old Dean Martin Roast schtick: "Ben Hur - who said to his sister, Ben Him: 'wanna switch?' - NEVER did a telethon!"

Jack Jones with "Wives and Lovers" ...in GREAT voice and a loose, fun mood. Offered his alternate lyric: "Hey little boy, cap your teeth, get a hairpiece!" Yeah!

Gary Lewis does "She's Just My Style" AGAIN - not that I'm kvetching.

Charo with her arrangement of Ravel's BOLERO. She claimed to have "introduced" the Macarena. A fine moment in the "If so, SO?" stakes.

Gospel legend Shirley Caesar featured in a mini-set with other artists in that genre. Such a reminder: melisma with restraint, conveying actual passion, not vocal "chops." Jazzy chords providing genuine color and depth, not slick fuzak gaudiness. Funky rhythms propelling MUSIC as opposed to softcore sex-dance accompaniment. Lyrics about HOPE, not aggression nor treacle nor teenybopper lust. Bona fide passion about something truly FELT, not some interchangable style as suited to aspirin or car commercials as anything else. Dynamics serving to elevate the spirit, not pummel it into a stupor or pump it with fake adrenaline.

Now comes the home stretch.