Sport Spiel |
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Sunday, March 16, 2003
HEY EVERYONE!
WE'D JUST LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE FOR "CHECKING IN" THESE PAST FEW MONTHS, AND THE BEST WAY TO DO SO IS BY GIVING YOU A "VOICE" IN KEEPING THIS THE BIGGEST, BADDEST BLOG ON THE WHOLE WEB!! For starters, we want to give a big SHOUT OUT to everyone who wrote and faxed us with their suggestions and criticisms! When we asked everyone what they wanted from a blog, we expected some heated opinions, but you people are INSANE! Just kidding! LOL! : ) Your comments were OFF THE CHARTS rad, and will help us to bring you a more EXTREME blog for Spring! But just because we are about to unleash some of the edgiest "BLOG GONE WILD" content you've ever seen, don't think we're gonna stop there! Let us know how you feel about SPORT SPIEL 2.0, and don't hold back! Remember: this is YOUR blog! When YOU talk, WE listen, and here's what you said: "Does anybody really care? " - T. K. (Chicago) "Could I be dreamin'? Is this really real?" - R. O. (Alabama) "Same old song!" - K. L. (Kansas) "Closed my eyes and I slipped away!" - B. D. (Boston) "Turning and returning to some secret place inside" - T. N. (Berlin) "Whaaaaa-Oooooo! Yeah yeah yeah! Oh, no no no no no no NO!" - D. J. (New York Dolls) In our new, streamlined blog, look for some of the changes YOU demanded! SPORT SPIEL IS NOW A NO-SMOKING BLOG! Bring your children in here with no worries about second-hand smoke… or schtick! SPORT SPIEL WILL NOT TOLERATE INTOLERANCE! We're calling a "time-out" on slurs like "cocksucking muslims" and such. One love! SPORT SPIEL SAYS "WHOAH!" TO SELF-PITY! We're corking up the whine and puttin' it back in the cellar for a more "upbeat" vibe! SPORT SPIEL WON'T SUCK UP TO ANY MORE REVIEWERS! Sure it's nice to get a good write-up, but that doesn't justify deifying kind critics! Fuck 'em all! SPORT SPIEL SAYS "NO NO NO" TO REDUNDANCY! Ives? Berrie Jigglers? Barris? Cassavetes? Enough… try: Beyonce! Pokemon! Woolery! Hanks! Sure, it's easy to "cut" stuff, but it's what's NEW that counts. And we are "Springing" ahead to a jam-packed blog for the vernal equinox and beyond! After tabulating all the suggestions you've sent, look for more of the following in future installments of SPORT SPIEL: the "BAD BOY" blog! 1) Lots of passionate commentary about the IRAQ situation! No-holds-barred! SOMEBODY HAS TO SAY IT! 2) More comedy in which lovable African-American characters interact with clueless white people trying vainly to be "down"... YES! We DO "know what you're saying, 'dog' !" 3) Competitions and challenges with built-in devices rewarding treachery and deceit! 4) Lots of gratuitious slamming of CARROT TOP! Prop comedy? WHAT A DICK! Ha ha ha! 5) A new auto-load THEME SONG from SMASHMOUTH! Get your game on! 6) Up-to-the-minute info on how many units are moved, how many tickets are sold, how much everyone got paid, relative chart / bestseller list / critics' choice positions of all books, films, cds, television shows, etc., how much the whole thing cost, who's fucking who, what's hot and what's not, 100 best whatevers of all time, post-game analysis, post-press conference coverage, exit polls, panels of expert commentators, behind-the-scenes peeks, and insider dish! Don't be left out! No need to with SPORT SPIEL! 7) Thousands of incredibly brief and comparison-reliant reviews - written by children - of EVERYTHING out there... "just in case!" 8) Occasional introduction of a new quirky-cute MASCOT you can use for whatever those things get used for by people like you, until it gets around pretty widely and you get so sick of it you start your own web site claiming to HATE that same quirky-cute mascot, which itself will be popular in an ironic way for exactly 3 weeks until even people who catch on to the "I HATE..." schtick are regarded as nerds by you, already busy digging a brand new MASCOT that WE'LL SUPPLY! 9) Mpegs of our favorite CEREAL COMMERCIALS depicting families torn asunder by each member's uncontrollable need to eat ALL THE CEREAL without sharing! 10) Cheats, shortcuts, Easter Eggs, hidden shit and backdoor entries into things not worth seeing, knowing or doing! WOW! 11) IMMEDIATE composition of shockingly dark jokes, tailor-made to apply to any new tragedies and disasters. Sardonic amusement: ON DEMAND. 12) More comedy in which attractive Young Persons interact with clueless old people trying vainly to be "hip" ...YES! We "get it ...duh!" 13) Beautiful images by "painter of light" Thomas Kinkade. 14) Lots of blistering commentary about the MEDIA bias! Take-no-prisoners! SOMEBODY HAS TO EXPOSE IT! 15) Gentle poking fun at ATHLETES in a way that reassures them that we really envy and admire them. 16) More and more MANGA and ANIME type art, much of it including weapon-brandishing chicks with their breasts exposed! 17) New and ever-finely-split genre categories for RAVE music including: "Bugout!" "Boing-n-Beep-sans-Thwump!" "Comalectro!" "Pipe-and Tabor!" "Dronethrash!" "Smegdub!" "Scotch-and-Water!" "Home!" "Deep Home!" "Old Kentucky Home!" "Onion-Dip-Hop!" "Nu Veldt!" "Loopfade!" "Acid Waltz!" 'Dripsonnix!" and "Dialtone!" 18) Great steaming heaps of things to FORWARD to people on your email list! Funny animations! George Carlin quotes! Petitions and questionnaires! Dead Links! 19) Dubious, modern-as-tomorrow services requiring a draconian subscription arrangement you'll live to regret, offered as spurious free trials! 20) Lots of bold commentary about what a bunch of ASSHOLES all those other ASSHOLES are! Fearless! SOMEBODY HAS TO CALL THOSE ASSHOLES ASSHOLES! AND MUCH MUCH MORE... ...but why give it all away? Along with the exciting NEW LOOK we'll unveil shortly, we're sure that all the blog upgrades we're planning will reposition SPORT SPIEL as a leader in the field. We hope to make it a blog that you will feel "cool" reading and sharing; we foresee a blog that blasts the paradigm of self-involved journal-posting to create a genuine community. SPORT SPIEL will be our "virtual town meeting" where ideas are discussed and discarded, trends evaluated and eviscerated, and every innovation in culture, science and society held up to the light and "hmmmed" at until something distracts us. All this and a whole lot of FUN too! We want YOU to come here for your quotes, kicks and comfort. We want to be your friend, your lover, and something of a spur toward innovations in thinking and living your life. We want to "bump up behind you" on the "subway," as it were, "grinding" our "tumescent sexual organ" on your virtual "ass" until we "cum in our pants," so to speak. THANKS FOR MAKING THE FIRST 3 MONTHS OF SPORT SPIEL SUCH A RAGING SUCCESS! AND HOLD ON TIGHT FOR APRIL, MAY AND JUNE... THE NEXT 3 MONTHS! BY THEN WE'LL HAVE OUR "6 MONTH SPECIAL EDITION: ON THE THRESHOLD OF JULY, AUGUST AND SEPTEMBER" AVAILABLE, ALONG WITH OUR "BLOG OF FAME" AWARD CEREMONY FOR ALL YOUR FAVORITE ENTRIES FROM WINTER AND SPRING OF 2003, WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH THE PERIOD COVERED BY THIS 6-MONTH GROUPING OF BLOG ENTRIES WE ARE NOW SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF! KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON, SPORTSPIELOMANIACS! THE BEST IS *DEFINITELY* YET TO COME! FOTFLMYMFAO!!! :0 Your "Big Bloggin' Daddy" ...Sport Murphy
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