Posted 9:44 PM by sport

And another thing...

Why do I hate this little twat APRIL LEVINE so much? There are a million pubescent annoyances raking in the shekels, but somehow she irks me the most. Yeah, I know it's "AVRIL" and it's "LAVIGNE" ...but fuck that noise... "Advil Visine" for all I care. Arugala Lasagna... Argyle LeSpleen... Orgone Machine... by any monicker she's intolerable. She looks like one of those horrible, expensive Italian dolls that used to scare the shit out of me in the back of the Sears wish book. I was flipping around the dial one day and landed momentarily on some awards ceremony... Grammys, I guess. All these scumbags were coming into the theater, interviewed by Joan Rivers on the way. Now, I can't fucking suffer Joan Rivers under any circumstances, but here I was sympathizing with the old bat as she contended with Afro LaSheen and her band of snotty little boys. Rivers asked typically sillyass questions on the order of "did your parents encourage or discourage you in music" bla bla and Aztec Rogaine just stared her down with those astoundingly lifeless eyes and sneered something like "of course they encouraged me." That may be what she said, but the message was: "overstretched cadaver, you are but a fart in my airspace: begone, or I'll kill you just like I killed Telly Savalas." Whence such arrogance? This little Keane child of the damned did a record about how some dumb chick winds up sorry because the "skater boy" she'd rejected is now a big pop star. So? That's the kind of idea American youth gets all hot and bothered over? Fuck you, Azer Baijan, Oscar Levant, Ah-oo-ga Ballpeen or whatever your name is. I'm glad that other kid won all the trophies with her song about "Don't know why I didn't come."

This other kid is better looking, plays the piano, has something like a voice and her song resembles music. And it may also be the best jazzish ballad about inhibited orgasm since "Daddy Don't Live In That New York City No More."
Take that, Uphill Beguine...
Gravel Latrine...
Cousin, Cousine...
Nofrills Zazeetch...
Roger Vadim...
oh, whatever.