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Monday, January 20, 2003


KOOKY LAWS!
(Excepted from an email fwd-fwd-fwd-fwd-ed to me by a friend. Who makes these laws, anyway?)

When in ANNISTON, ALABAMA, be sure not to nail a fish to a wall! A hefty fine awaits fish-nailers in the "Magic City" caught "red-herring-handed!" Ouch! Ha ha ha!

For some reason, the good people of WILSON, NORTH CAROLINA seriously object to anyone wearing an "animal costume, sports mascot outfit or other furred disguise" in any "hospital, clinic or pharmacy" within city limits… best slip over into the next town for your meds, Barney!

Hope I'm not stuck in PROVO, UTAH next time I have an urge to take some target practice at any "dairy item!" It could land me in the hoosegow for weeks! Guess all those "Provo - lone gunmen" have to stick with deli meats!

Careful about "free speech" in CORVALLIS, OREGON! The University there insists - and I quote - "OSU asserts ownership over its name in any form or combination (such as, but not limited to: Oregon State University, OSU, Oregon State) and any other mark, logo, insignia, seal, design, slogan, mascot, service mark, symbol or any combination of these, which refer to or are associated with OSU." OK, fascists, have it your way!

Better think twice about molesting children in MAMMOTH LAKES, CALIFORNIA, where the town burghers frown upon such things! I'll keep that in mind, you fucking bastards!

Burying the body parts of unidentified drifters is not a wise choice in LEBANON, INDIANA! "Severe penalties" are "liable" to apply, according to the hypocritical scum making the laws there! C'mon, just a thigh or two… whaddya say, you Godless cocksuckers? Ha ha!

All the "fine, upstanding" citizens of NEWARK, DELAWARE, WAUSAU, WISCONSIN and KALISPELL MONTANA had better think twice about sending me any more secret psychic messages or tampering with my energy. I swear by all that is holy, mine vengeance will be unspeakable in its wrath.

Take my silence as weakness and you too shall pay, LEWISTON, MAINE! The deceitful intentions behind your smile, O City of Whores, are as visible to me as the symbols of demon-worship and all that is malevolent branded into the purulent flesh of your ill-begotten spawn. I have enough firepower stowed away to wipe you off the map. Oh, and I have maps, too. Lots of maps. And carfare.

And on a related "note," singing on a municipal bus in GLORIETA, NEW MEXICO is a no-win proposition! Keep it in the shower, Pavarotti!

Who makes these KOOKY LAWS, anyway? Ha ha ha!



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